Here's some baby spam

I'm so guilty of over sharing on Instagram…I just can never decide which picture is best and, like a normal mom, I think they're all cute. I take a million pictures because I can't help it. With Ava she moves all over the place and has different expressions basically every picture. When I try to take a picture of both Ava and Braxton I tell myself "good luck" before and just hope for the best. Taking a good picture of two children is basically the holy grail. Most of my pictures will have one blurry kid and the other will be smiling sweetly or one of their eyes will be closed…it's almost always something.

For Christmas, Brian got me a Canon Rebel t3i and I was so surprised. I had been talking about getting a used Canon from Ebay so I could practice on something without paying full retail but I never expected to get it, brand new, for Christmas. (Thanks Cyber Monday sales  Santa) After the initial shock and excitement like a little girl you see in Youtube videos, I felt overwhelmed. I had, and still have, no idea what I'm doing but slowly but surely I'm starting to learn. I have a friend who helps me as much as she can with things and I'll always send her pictures asking if the lighting looks good and all that stuff. Editing is a totally different thing though and I have to say…I'm still clueless on it. I'll get there though!

I wanted to share some pictures from the past couple of days since we have had really sunny days, even though it feels like the Arctic outside. Good lighting has made me want to bring my camera out more and I'm glad. I would love some opinions on the pictures and if there's any advice you can share I'll take it!

Today Ava and I went to my friend Marissa's house to have a girls day with her and her daughter Mila. Ava and Mila were born two days apart, in the same hospital. Marissa actually came to visit us after I had Ava and that night she went into labor. I remember her texting me through it, before she got admitted, and I was so excited. We had talked about being in the hospital at the same time as soon as we found out we were going to the same OB office and everything. You can find Marissa's blog here….

Ava and Mila are baby besties and it's so cute seeing them together. Today was fun because they are both mobil now and they have these cute, funny noises they make at each other. Ava's included growling haha Pictures were almost impossible since they were on the go but we snapped as many as we could.

The playroom, so far

Over Christmas break we turned our spare bedroom downstairs into a playroom for Braxton. We don't have guests over often so the bed in there was only taking up space, we kept the computer in there, and then we used it for a catch all for our stuff. Extra, clean, clothes and towels, random toys that Braxton never played with, all of my shoes…it was borderline hoarding for no reason haha. I'm guilty of doing the whole Black Friday shopping thing. I'm not the crazy kind who forgets about Thanksgiving dinner and stands in lines for random stuff though. Anyways, this year after everyone was asleep and I was somehow wide awake at 11 pm I went to Walmart and found a play kitchen for only $50. Best Christmas present ever for Braxton because he's really getting into pretend play and cooking. When Brian saw it the next day the first thing he asked was "where the hell are we going to put that?" and that was the start of the idea of a playroom.  It didn't take long to clean out really because the room is pretty small so that was kind of easy. Finding the time in between two children was the difficult part but it got done.

I wanted to have a space downstairs that was just for him, where he could hang out, feel comfortable, and have fun. Oh, and somewhere where I could just throw his toys into and close the door in case I needed to. Mom cleaning, right? I didn't want to spend a bunch of money on it because who realistically has loads of extra money hanging around after the holidays? Yeah, not us. I reused a canopy and the crib mattress for a little comfy spot. I saw something similar on Pinterest ages ago and I thought it was really cute. I didn't want much of a theme because I wanted to stay on a budget (themes can get very expensive for a detail oriented person) and because a 3 year old likes what he likes. Hence the Monster's University pillow, his choice. I had been wanting a $19.99 table and chairs set from IKEA for the longest time for him but there's no IKEA anywhere close to us, of course. I'm really cheap with shipping costs, I hate paying too much, but finally I decided to just give in and pay the $15 shipping. I added a $19.99 rug from there as well to make me feel a little better for how much I was paying for shipping. I was making it worth it haha.

Braxton refuses to keep the crayons in the designated cup. 

 Upstairs in his room we have a Martha Stewart storage cubicle that I love so I wanted to get another for the playroom. It's at Home Depot and it's only $46 which isn't too bad. The quality is pretty good considering the price. The fabric bins are only about $5 each. Storage is huge when it comes to toys. Each bin has it's own purpose which really helps during clean up time. One bin has all of his cars, another has all the play food/pots and pans for the kitchen in it, there's all the small toys like Little people and stuff in one, and then for the other it's Play-Doh/coloring books/etc. Braxton pays attention to what goes where and he does help…by putting things in one, by one, oh so slowly of course. He has loads of books upstairs (including a pretty awesome vintage Dr. Seuss collection) but we brought down a few favorites to read on a rainy day…under the cozy canopy of course. We love our Melissa and Doug toys, and I love how both Braxton and Ava can both play with them and that they will last. That cat piano was also a Christmas gift this year and after about 15 minutes it would drive anyone crazy, same with the dog guitar. The cubicle is perfect for all of that stuff.

While I was at Home Depot picking that up I bought some chalk board paint. It was under $10 and I thought it could be fun. Brian usually does all of the painting projects in the house but this time I wanted to do it, just so I could say that I finally painted. (And so I wouldn't have to wait weeks so he could "find the time" to get to it.) I decided instead of doing a full wall to just do the chimney. I'm so glad that I did because I think it looks awesome. One night after Braxton and Ava were asleep I did the first coat. It took maybe about 30 minutes which included taping it off, edging with a brush, and rolling the paint on. You're supposed to wait 4 hours until doing the next coat so I waited until the next night to do the final coat. After that's done you have to wait 3 days to condition it with chalk but I have to tell you, make sure you buy a lot of chalk to do that. I went through almost a full box of 12 sticks just doing that. Now that we can write on it Braxton thinks it's so neat. Here's to hoping it doesn't encourage writing on the other walls haha It was so much easier than I thought and after I was done I was ready to paint everything chalk board.

Since the house is old we have old light fixtures in some rooms. Hanging from the light fixture is a Logitech UE BOOM speaker. It's wireless and it's great for music in the playroom. 

Now I'm not completely done with the playroom and I'm not quite sure what I'll do next but I thought it would be nice to give a little peek so far. I need a few more ideas with storage for the bigger toys. Braxton is a climber so I need something that can't be used as a climbing device. Boys, right? 

That banner was part of a birthday banner that was made for Braxton's party this year. My lovely friend makes great banners and other festive things, check her out!

Please excuse the eye sore that is my husband's junk. He thinks he should have a corner in there for his guitar stuff. 

Frozen yogurt covered fruit

I remember when I was little and I lived in Tennessee there was a place that had the BEST peach smoothies that was right by my nana's house and she would always take me there. It's funny how something that simple sticks with you after so many years. Fresh fruit is my weakness. Peaches, bananas, strawberries, and pineapple are my favorite. However, if it's imitation "fake" flavored I have to say no thanks, especially with strawberry. Ugh, gross. I won't touch anything if it's fake strawberry. The one thing that I love about fresh fruit is what you can do with it. I love making smoothies but I also love making frozen yogurt covered fruit, especially when I have a few different fruits. The great thing with these is you can make as much as you want then once they're done you can put them into a freezer safe container and eat them whenever you want. I also save some to add to a smoothie later on. It's great if you don't have fresh fruit at the time, you can just pop them into the blender and go.

I use blueberries, strawberries, and bananas but you can basically use any fruit. Make sure you wash the blueberries and strawberries. 

Cut the strawberries and bananas into bite size pieces. 

(That bowl with the hand painted fruit is a gem. Vintage 1950's Fire King) 

You can use any kind of yogurt you like. I use light vanilla yogurt but for a healthier option try plain Greek yogurt and add some honey into it for sweetness. Pour the yogurt into a bowl for easy dipping. 

With a toothpick, or skewer, dip your fruit into the yogurt and then onto a baking sheet.

Cover all the pieces and then put them in the freezer for 1-2 hours so they're set and then enjoy! 

Braxton loves these and Brian actually will eat them too which is a change! 

Darling Ava

This little girl has brought so much joy to our world. I have always wanted a girl so, of course I'm loving it, but that's not just it. She is just so precious, and sweet. Braxton absolutely adores his little sister and Brian admitted, sweetly, how much he loved having a little girl since he was nervous before she was born. It's still funny sometimes thinking of Brian with a little girl but it's the cutest thing. 

We got pretty lucky with the whole "trying for a second baby" thing because after a month I was pregnant. I sometimes feel bad for saying that because I know so many people have the hardest time with getting pregnant and I couldn't imagine that struggle. I had the WORST nausea. Screw morning sickness because I had all day, all night sickness. I survived on baked potatoes and white rice. It was so different than with Braxton so I had everyone telling me it was going to be a girl. Once I found out at 16/17 weeks that she was actually a SHE I went crazy with the girl clothes. Finally I could shop in a bigger section since boy clothes are so limited. 

I had a relatively "easy" pregnancy with Ava up until I was 31 weeks. I had been measuring big for awhile and we all chalked it up to it being my second pregnancy but that wasn't the case actually. I had a regular check up one day and while my doctor was measuring my belly (which was measuring at 34 weeks!) she felt around my belly and said she felt some extra fluid so she ordered an ultrasound for that day. Brian, Braxton, and I went for some lunch and then came back so we could see the babe. It was so sweet to see her, especially in 4-D. Once the ultrasound was done my doctor told me that I did have extra fluid, which is called polyhydramnios, and that I needed to meet with a high risk OB in the next week or so. She also told me that I more than likely would not be getting my all natural, birthing center birth that I wanted and had planned. I was shocked, and scared, because I had no clue what was going on. Of course I googled it which IS NEVER A GOOD IDEA. It had me even more scared that something was going to be wrong with my baby. I didn't say much online because I didn't want people to know. I don't mean it the way that it sounds though. I didn't want people to know so they wouldn't worry and so they wouldn't worry me with loads of questions. I will share my high risk pregnancy story, as well as my birth story at a different time. It totally needs it's own post haha While I was googling polyhydramnios when I was pregnant I rarely saw something where everything was okay so I think it's important to show that it's not always a bad outcome. 

Ava Madison was born on June 5, 2013 at 8:18 pm by a c-section thanks to her turning breach the day of delivery. The doctor said "oh, big baby" but I didn't get to see her for at least 15-20 minutes after that. While I was getting stitched back up Brian got to see her and he showed me her picture…she looked exactly like a mini Braxton. Luckily she was completely healthy, the extra fluid didn't have anything to do with her health thankfully. She was 7 lbs 10 oz and 21" long with a head full of dark hair. Through all the issues I had while pregnant and my complicated delivery, she has been an almost perfectly easy baby. Don't get me wrong, we have had some issues thanks to a growth spurt or something but she has truly been easy. Maybe it's because I'm a second time parent but I didn't feel the crazy stress like the first time. She slept through the night, breastfeeding wasn't painful, and she was just content with being held. When we brought her home Braxton was the sweetest with her. The look on his face was so cute, he looked so interested, and he always wanted to hold her. You could tell that he just loved her. They still look at each other with amazement and every time I catch it my heart fills up. I really can't wait to tell them, when they're older and fighting like siblings do, about how much they loved each other when they were little. 

I'm not saying that having two kids has been easy. There have been days where I think I'm losing my mind but I'm pretty sure that's common. Getting out of the house with two can be really difficult and being on time doesn't happen as much as I would like. Balancing two has been the hard thing for me. I remember in the beginning when I would be nursing Ava, Braxton would come up and want to sit on my lap or he would come up and ask for juice. I didn't want him to think that he wasn't important but I was also trying to keep a latch with a baby that was a lazy nurser. The first couple of months I had guilt that I wasn't giving them equal amounts of my time, and I still try to make a conscious effort in making things equal. I don't want either one of them to feel less important than the other. We never really put Ava on a schedule, we just went by her cues and I think that helped make things less stressful.

With Ava I have relaxed so much more than how I was with Braxton. I have a stronger "mommy voice" than the first time and I feel like I know way more than before. I'm sure everyone has seen the Luvs commercials about the difference between the first and second baby and that's totally my life haha. Right now we are going in between a mixture of purees and baby led weaning. Before I would have never thought about giving a baby chunks of my food but now I know that it's totally okay and I love the idea of BLW. Ava loves both so I give her a puree at dinner and then a little bit of whatever we're eating. She has currently mastered the army crawl and can go from one spot of the room to the other in no time. The house is no longer safe again! We're working on the full on hands and knees crawl but she's getting there. Sometimes I hate sharing "milestones" on social media because I don't want people to think that I'm bragging...I'm not! We all know someone who goes on and on about how much their kid weighs and that they are doing SO many things. Every month on the 5th I will take a picture of her on the same background (aka my big white comforter) just so I can see how much she grows. It's crazy to see how much she has changed and I'm excited to look back on those pictures when she turns one....oh gosh, ONE!

I want the same things for Ava as I do for Braxton. Basically, like any parent, I just want her to be happy and healthy. Hopefully she will be well rounded and polite. I want her to know that she can do anything just as long as she sets her mind to it. I want her to know that being smart is more important than being beautiful..but who am I kidding, she will always be beautiful to me. I don't want her to think she's not good enough and I never want her to hate the way she looks. As girls it's hard, especially growing up now a days. She should know that I will always be there for her and she can come to me with anything. I want to be the mom who she can trust. I want to be the mom who she can look up to. I want her to see that her parents truly do love each other and that that is the norm. I just want to raise her with a good head on her shoulders so she knows that there's so much more in the world for her to see. I want both of my children to know that there's life outside of their little city and it's okay to go and explore. 

Oh Braxton...

Every mom that I talk to will say the same thing, that "time flies by" when you have a child and it is so true. Looking back, it does kind of seem like forever ago that I became a parent but living in the moment, each year, seems to speed by. It's so bittersweet to think of my "baby" being three. In the years that he's been here so much good has happened and I'm so grateful for him.

Braxton is what changed me and I will never forget that. I have always wanted to be a mom, it was something I thought about even when I was a little girl. Remembering then, I always said I wanted to have two kids, and only two kids, and I wanted both of them to have a life better than I had. I didn't have a terrible childhood but there were struggles. My dad passed away when I was just going into first grade, my mom all of a sudden became a single mother, and with that my life changed drastically. We moved from California to Tennessee to be with her side of the family and I watched her, at age 35, go back to school to get a degree that would make our lives better. Of course I was really young but I always have been a sentimental person and even then I knew what my mom was doing for us and I loved her so much for it. Sometimes it was rough and I watched my mom cry at times because she was disappointed that she couldn't give me everything that I wanted. I will never forget the time that I found out the Easter Bunny wasn't "real." That Easter my mom just couldn't afford an Easter basket for me…every year she made beautiful baskets for me and I would always get a new stuffed bunny to add to my collection. The day before she was so sad, and she broke down and told me, with tears, that she was the Easter Bunny and then explained the situation. She still tells me about how I just hugged her and said it was okay, not to worry about me…somehow she made me believe that Santa was still real though, talk about a gullible child haha. My mom and I have not always seen eye to eye but she's still my mom and I love her with everything I have. She succeeded in graduating college, she now has her Bachelor's degree, and she's such a hardworking woman. It showed me that no matter what, you do what you have to do for your children.

When Brian and I were dating I was living in Florida. We talked about kids and we both wanted them, Braxton just came a little earlier than planned. When I found out I was pregnant I was surprised, thanks to being on birth control, but I was excited to tell Brian. Unfortunately I couldn't immediately tell him because he was on a flight home from Australia…he had just spent 2-3 weeks in Japan, New Zealand, and Australia. I decided to just take a picture of my pregnancy test and email it to him so that's how he found out. Surprise? Brian and I were both so happy. During my pregnancy he was gone quite a bit doing one last big tour so I stayed with my mom in Florida. The plan was as soon as the tour was done, I would be moving to New York because that's where Brian was from. I was excited to move and start over because at that time in my life I was just being a typical 21 year old girl and I wanted a fresh start. I was 28 weeks pregnant when we made the 1,300 mile drive with my dog Gizmo in the back. It was hard saying bye to everything I knew but I also knew that I needed it. I had an uneventful pregnancy, besides gaining 70 lbs…ugh, but when the time came to have him I was so ready. I was induced at 41 weeks and after 2 days of labor with no pain medication or epidural, Braxton Maddox was born on December 29, 2010 at 8:50 am.

Braxton has been an adventure since the day he was born…that's the best way to put it. It was HARD! I knew that having a newborn would be difficult and that I would lose sleep but I didn't realize just how much. He was colicky, he had terrible reflux, and I could never put him down. Breastfeeding was harder than I imagined, partially because of the reflux, and I also had a little bit of PPD. I didn't want to admit it then but now I know that it's okay, and normal. Luckily Brian and I parented pretty perfectly together. I have been so lucky to have a partner who actually enjoys being a parent and who loves me, even when I'm a grumpy mess. I think because he's such a good dad I want to be a good mom as well. Like he has no interest in going out, he would rather stay home with us, and he puts us first before anything so I always want to do the same. In our three years as parents we have had some great times but nothing has been "easy." Watching Braxton grow up has been surreal. He is SUCH a boy…and he's a boy that absolutely loves his dad. He goes crazy for Brian and I have to admit, sometimes I get jealous! Whenever he wants snuggles from me though I cherish them. He's such a sweet little boy and I'm grateful for that.

Because of Braxton I have grown in so many ways. I find happiness in the little things and my world does revolve around him. He has been the busiest kid for as long as I can remember and he's always on the go. Sometimes I wish he would just calm down and just hang out but then I see the look of excitement on his face when he's exploring and it's just too cute. I'm pretty sure he can't be tamed. Right now we're at a point where it's hard though. Having a speech delay in a toddler/pre-schooler is tough. To be honest it down right sucks. I wrote a blog post about it before and I can share it again on here coming up. Right now we're at a point where a few things are in the process of happening and all I want is for it to be done with and he just starts talking like no big deal. Seeing your kid frustrated can make you frustrated too. If only it was easy…

I want him to have every opportunity possible. I want him to be healthy, happy, smart, caring, respectful…I want him to know that I will always be there for him and that I love him so much. I never want to see him worried about things out of his control, like how I felt sometimes when I was younger. I don't want him to feel like he can't be open about his feelings, and on that note, I want him to know that it is okay to have feelings! I will never tell him to suck it up, or to "be a man." He's not going to be forced to grow up too soon but I will try my hardest not to baby him completely. That's the fine line of motherhood, what's too much?

I have been going back and forth with a couple things the past few days. One is if I should make this blog "public" and the other is what will be my next post….They kind of go together for a few different reasons. I'm having a hard time deciding what to talk about because with some things it won't be "popular opinion" and because of that I can't decide whether or not I open this blog up to the public.

I am pretty big on "mean what you say, do what you say you'll do, and follow through." I am also pretty big on saying something if it doesn't happen, that's a fault of mine. I never try to be rude about things but sometimes it gets to a point that I just need to back away and call it a day. I'm just not a huge fan of excuses I guess. I genuinely care about people and I try to see the good until I'm shown that it really isn't there. What I do know is that not everyone will see eye to eye with you. You can either accept that and move on or you can harp on it and be snarky.

The world of the internet mom scares me. There's so much judgement, and opinion, that it's tiring. I'm not saying that I'm not guilty of it though, because I am. I have a strong opinion of what I think is right and wrong not just about parenting but with life…I'm pretty sure that's common. What is tiring though is the question I have to ask myself and that is "am I getting judged for this?" I'm asking this right now, as I type this. There's nothing wrong with having an opinion, it's when it's voiced in an "all knowing" way that gets to me. I'm not the mom who claims to know everything, I don't know ANYONE who actually knows it all. I'm not writing this blog to really give advice or to let people in on the "mom secret" because I don't have it. We all have bad days and I now realize that it is okay.

To be honest I don't really know where I'm going with this…I'm just getting things off my head right now. I figured I would be upfront about who I am to start this out. I'm a mom who is trying to do the best she can. Becoming a mom turned my world upside down and that is totally a good thing. I have changed more in 4 years than anyone could imagine. That's the amazing thing about growing up…you grow as a person. I joke about not wanting to get older but honestly it's made me better. I wasn't the best human being when I was younger. I was selfish, I did stupid things, and I wasn't responsible at all. I won't say I regret anything though because I'm happy where I'm at now.

And so I begin….

I have done the whole blog thing so many times but here I go again. I never really "quit" I just either would get caught up in family life or before I would get overwhelmed with the first couple of posts and think I couldn't do it. I'm over that now. I know that I can do it. For a few months I was part of a group blog and it showed me that I could write and I did have a reason to blog. I realized I wanted to blog for myself. I want to talk about things that I think are important. I want to be able to look back at my writings and remember the times I had with my children.

My New Year's "resolution" was to start blogging for myself and that's what I'm going to do. I have never, literally never, made any resolutions in my 25 years but I figured this year I would. I didn't make anything unattainable because I wanted to be realistic and I think it will make me better by the end of the year. 2014 will hopefully be a great year.

This is the year that I will focus on my life and what is currently in it. I'm going to be more affectionate to my husband. I love him so much and sometimes with how busy we can be with parenting, and life, our feelings get pushed to the side. This year I'm going to have fun with my babies. Braxton is 3 now and he is so much fun. He has so much adventure in him that I don't think it will ever be tamed. Somehow time is flying by and Ava is already almost 1. It's bittersweet because I look forward to the stage when she starts to walk and all the fun stuff but I'm also a little sad because I know she's our last baby and I miss everything about her being small. I'm going to let go of things more easily and focus on what/who is important to me.

Now I'm not saying that I'm going to be a full time blogger. Hell, there are times where I barely have a second to myself to shower…ahh the joys of motherhood. However I'm going to use this as an outlet and I will stick to it this time