Ramblings of a mom

We went out to Ithaca today to a place called Mama Goose that buys and sells baby and kid stuff. It was my first time going and I loved it. I sold some of Ava's clothes to make room for new ones and we also came home with a pizza set for Braxton. I let him pick anything he wanted and he chose that. It's amazing how someone's "old" toy can bring so much happiness to another kid and today, that's my kid. He has been playing with it ever since we got home...three hours ago. 

Braxton can be tough at times so when I see that he's actually enjoying something, and really getting into it, I get so happy. The past couple of weeks I have really seen a little difference in him though. He's starting to listen better and he's definitely trying harder to actually say things. His attention span is still oh so small but hey, we can't have it all, right? Having a child with a delay is hard, and while it's not easy, it is rewarding as a parent to watch things start "clicking" more and seeing a little spark in them. 

I was never a patient person until I had Braxton and now it's probably one of my better traits. Don't get me wrong, I still have my moments, but I like to think that I handle things well. Parenting gives you a crash course in Patience 101 and you either pass or fail it. Recently Brian and I were talking about how when we go out with Braxton we have to kind of expect not to accomplish much. Hopefully it doesn't come across as wrong but it's the truth, and that's fine. If I take him grocery shopping with me I am already prepared for a tantrum of some sort, and if it doesn't happen I'm excited and so proud of him. We don't do mall trips where I expect to look at everything in the stores that I want either. No, usually an outing with Braxton is either a mission-where we go specifically for one or two things or it's an option of getting him out of the house to just explore, with little to no stopping because he's a go go go type of kid.

Lately I have noticed myself saying these two things to strangers when we're out: "We're working on our listening skills" and "He's still learning about personal space." I thought it was better than always apologizing for him, which I have been working on myself. The whole personal space thing is semi-awkward (but cute) because he will just go up to anyone and give them hugs, kisses...it's the worst when it's a girl his age or younger because I'm always waiting for the parents' reaction of "get your kid off of my kid, now." 

This isn't a complaining kind of post, and when I started writing, this wasn't even what I meant to write. Some people tell me that I need to be more stern with Braxton, that I need to force him to settle down and "behave" but all I can think of is at what cost? Do I want him to listen better? Of course. Do I want him to calm down and pay attention more? Sure I do. What I don't want though is to break his spirit because that little boy is amazing. He's a challenge but he's so sweet, and so loving. There are days where I tell Brian that I need a break but if I'm gone for more than an hour or so I actually miss them. There's no such thing as a "break" when you're a mom, especially when you're a stay at home mom. 

I absolutely love being a stay at home mom and you will never, ever hear me complain on Facebook or anything about it. It's a grueling job, and the hours can be intense, but it's so worth it. I know my children like the back of my hand and I love that. The last thing that I want, ten years from now, is to look back and be mad at myself for not enjoying them while they were this little. I will see some people post about just how bad their kids are, like literally complaining about them, and I just don't get it. Once or twice is one thing, we all have our moments, but when it's a constant subject I just feel bad for everyone in the situation. All I can say is take a deep breathe and know that everything will be okay.