Asking for some positive thoughts

First thing tomorrow morning Braxton is having surgery to get tubes in his ears. The date kind of snuck up on me, even though I've known about it for two months now. It's surreal to think that tomorrow is finally the day. I'm anxious for the surgery in more ways than one. I'm a little scared because he'll be under anesthesia for the first time. I know that this is a routine, quick surgery but still. 

I'm tired of the obstacles that this speech delay has caused him. I am so hopeful that these tubes will make a difference with his hearing and speech. All I can think about is being able to have conversations with him after this surgery. I don't want to set myself up for disappointment, just in case it doesn't work, but I can't help it. This is what we've been waiting on for so long. I want this to be the answer that we haven't been able to come up with. I don't want to see him frustrated anymore. I don't want to feel bad when people ask how old he is, and when I reply and say "he's 3" they tell me that they thought he was much younger because he wasn't talking...(Who does that?!) I want him to have friends he can play with, that understand him. I can't tell you how many times I have seen him shut down because he can't talk to them the way he wants to.

When you're 3 years old, you have so much life in you, and I want Braxton to express that life in more ways than one. I want to see his imagination run wild, with stories and play. I want him to tell me about his day at nursery school, how he had fun finger painting, and the cool things he learned. I don't mean to make this about me, but I just want things a little easier. This speech delay has kicked my ass as a mom. There are the "bad" days where I just emotionally shut down because I don't know what else I can do for him. I have to remind myself that he can't help it, but I can help him.

I have everything riding on this surgery tomorrow and if it doesn't help, honestly I think I'll be so crushed. All I want is to have a 3 year old that can tell me he loves me. If you can, please keep Braxton in your thoughts tomorrow morning...it would mean the world to me.