Crystal Rose: Journal Day #1

I'm joining in on Dani Hampton's Journal Day. Each week she's giving a prompt and then an opportunity to share which I think is great.

Everyone has a time in their life they view as a crossroad. Sometimes you can see it as it's happening, and you're able to choose one way or another. Other times you may not realize you're there until you look back, and see what a turning point it really was. This week, write about a time you view as a marker in your life; a distinct place where things changed, for better or worse.

I have had a few crossroads in my life. I like to think that I lived life quite fully in my 25 years. There have been some incredible experiences that have made me who I am today, and not all have been good, but I'm still here. I believe I'm a better person because of it all and it has given me a stronger sense of life. It may be cliché but motherhood was my turning point in life, it gave me a true reason to live, and it showed me that I needed to change.

When Braxton was a little squish and one of my favorite pictures.

If you knew me before I had children you wouldn't recognize me now and I'm actually okay saying that. Before I got pregnant with Braxton my life revolved around ME. Having fun was my main priority and I enjoyed having basically zero responsibilities. My mom supported my lifestyle and I was really just spoiled to put it simply. When I say spoiled I don't mean in the "here, have anything and everything you want" kind of way but I just wasn't held accountable for much of anything. Looking back, it's kind of embarrassing to even admit to when I think of where I am now in life. Getting pregnant with Braxton was the best thing to happen to me, even if it wasn't "planned." I have talked about this before here and I don't want to sound like a broken record but it's amazing how this experience was my crossroad. I will forever be thankful for him.

Before I had Braxton I went out practically every night. I would go to the same bar in Orlando with my friend Burgundy because that was our place to hangout. We would sit on the same counter (not meant for sitting), next to our favorite bar tender whom we were friends with, and just people watch while we drank. Once we got home, at 3 or 4 am, we would sleep until the afternoon the next day and then do it all over again. As I write this I'm literally shaking my head but when you're 21, it's fun and it seems like that is the only thing to do. Once I was pregnant I knew I had to change so I did and I don't regret a single thing.

I'm sure every mom will say that the birth of their child (or children) was the best day of their life. It's just one of those days that you will never forget. On December 29, 2010 I started my new journey in life. Cue Bright Eyes' "First Day Of My Life" because that is how I feel about Braxton. That day for me really was a new beginning. I said goodbye to the person I used to be so I could make a better life for the little boy I had just brought into this world. I learned quickly how strong I really was; not only because of the 2 day unmedicated labor/delivery, but because I had this little human depending on me. I realized I actually had a purpose now and I swore to myself that I wouldn't fail him.

Now, as a mother of two, all my hopes and dreams are for them. They are my priority and my driving force to be the best I can be. Just this morning I got a text from my sister saying "I'm so proud of the person you grew up to be!" My mom says similar things randomly, and pretty often. Hearing that makes me happy and it shows me that I'm doing exactly what I was meant to do. I don't really know where I would be if Brian and I didn't make Braxton. And on that note, I don't know where I would be without Brian...because of him I have the opportunity to be the kind of mom I want to be. I enjoy my simple life now and I'll forever choose story time and bed time over going out and drinking. One of the things that amazes me the most is just how responsible I am now. I'm proud to say that I don't depend on anyone, besides my husband, to help me take care of my children. I'm responsible for two beautiful little babies, a great marriage, a home...it's the life that I always wanted and it's a life that I will never take for granted.